The one with the story of how I knew...

So this is my first real entry to the baby blog diary thing.  Yikes.  Here goes....


Well, on May 27th, I got what EVERY girl wants for her first 29th birthday; her period.  Just FREAKING FABULOUS.  My body operates on this annoying amount of clockwork and routine, so when Mom's birthday rolled around on JUNE 27th and I still hadn't gotten my period I started to, well, question the clockwork a slight bit....(AKA, FREAKOUT!) ....  I decided to give it a week...and well, I got up some (liquid) courage and took the test.


I start my stopwatch (yea, I wear one on my wrist...It's normal for a swim coach....), for the obligatory two minute waiting period.  I started thinking about all the things I used to be able to do in about two minutes.... a 200 yard freestyle...


Two minutes? Really? I peed on that stick and 15 seconds later it was practically flashing pregnant over and over in big, shiny, neon, Vegas-style lights.  


I'd taken pregnancy tests before and they would slowly drift to the "second-line-area" and then I would stare at them for another full 5-10 minutes, put them down, and recheck them hours (and days) later to make sure I wasn't pregnant.  Hey, I'm a smart girl--I've seen that episode of some random American sitcom where the pregnancy test shows up pregnant hours/days after the mom sighs in relief! 


Oh no, not this time.  By the time I put the cap on the end, it had practically jumped to the pregnant line, bolded itself and doubled in thickness and barely made a second line where the "not pregnant" line was supposed to be.   


Sh*t. 


Stare at stick for 5 minutes.  Shake it. Twirl it. Stare at it again for another 5 minutes.


Double Sh*t.


Emerge from bathroom.  Commence the yelling and throwing of things--mainly the pee stick-- at the, um, what will formally be named as "The X-Chromosome Contributor" from now on.  


In retrospect, this was NOT exactly my most rational or stellar moment as an adult human, but I will include this incident as the first (of hopefully not many) on "The Official When Pregnancy Hormones Took Over Bio-Mom's Brain List".


Well, it was decided that "sometimes pregnancy tests give a false positive," so I was going to "sleep on it".  Well, around 3:30 a.m. with, well, not much sleeping on ANYTHING, I gave up and went to Wal-Mart and got another (3-pack) pregnancy test.  I was going to be sure this time.  I was sure between 4 am and 6 am another two times.


A week later I tested again (in vain, apparently) and then called and scheduled a doctor's appointment so I can get on state healthcare and make full use of my tax dollars that I have contributed to the cause since I was 15!


So now I have health insurance now like Dad has been harping on me to make sure I get for the past four years....although, after pointing this out to Dad, the response was "well, I didn't mean to get insurance like THAT!" 


Oh, and the good news...any woman that needs a good April Fool's day joke...I have a handful of "pregnant" sticks for you to use!